sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So many bounce houses so little time
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
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