i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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