You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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