yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
