In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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