I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
