this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
