It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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