help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I want her autograph on my taint
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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