my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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