I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
