I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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