so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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