I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
