I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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