HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
