this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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