We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm gonna have a badass scar
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
