Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
