Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
