if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
