I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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