guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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