I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
