Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize