I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
