Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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