remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
