Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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