ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
