Someone shit on the floor
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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