you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
