I just saw a hot homeless man
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
