I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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