11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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