My hair reeks of homosexuality.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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