we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
