k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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