apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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