My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
then he tried to convert me to islam
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
