I hate your face
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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