it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
