my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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