I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
