I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my shit smells like andre
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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