i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
