So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
