True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
