Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
