Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
