Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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