Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize