...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
