Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Soap is not a condiment
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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