The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
