Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
