why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
