She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
