I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
