I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize