you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
