if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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