i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This is my gift to your gina
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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