Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize