I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
