is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We are all done wearing pants today
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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