I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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