I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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