So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
