It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
