Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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