Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
