Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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