dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
