Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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