the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
