google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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