4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
